ugh.

goodness.

oh my goodness. i've been doing so badly lately. i really don't know whats wrong with me. its like i can't resist food. i'm offered and i GRAB! i'm so fat its unbelievable. i was doing so good for a while. i'm starting a fast as of right now _october 29, 2008:3:31 PM_ i want to do a 3 day fast. hopefully i can make it that long. if i can make it that long i'll keep going. fasts are the hardest t things to do to me. i have a really hard time with them. i'm gonna do a liquid fast. only water or diet drinks. plus it will cleanse my body and i'll be revived! 
i'm currently sick so i could use a cleanse of some sort. i feel like crap. i think if i dont eat, i'll get over this a lot faster and i think that i'll feel really good. i'm excited. i dont want anyone to know that i'm doing a fast though. so when they say 'are you going to lunch today?' i'll just tell them that i'm not really hungry and that i gave up  on losing weight. haha its perfect because my friends hate when i try to lose weight but i know AND they know that i need to lose weight.
i tried to do it in a healthy way at one point in time. i want to lose about 76 pounds and if i can lose more than that it would be great. well
i just thought i would upload on my personal journal because i hadnt in a really long time (over a year) 
haha.

Okay, so the lax definitley helped =) did run =) happy day today lolz. Ate breakfast. Had a sandwhich for dinner so that's all today. Consumed about 400 cals...burned about 300 cals so I guess I did good. I'm happy with what I did. It could have been a lot worse. My mom is gonna get me some hydroxi cut. Does anyone know if that's good? If there is something better than that, can someone please tell me?!?! Okay, well, I'll talk to you later.
Bye!!

Fasting today. Did good so far. Right now, its 4:08pm and I haven't eaten yet so I'm doing good. I'm not gonna eat no matter what it takes. My fat ass doesn't deserve to eat.

Anyways, my friend is here but since I'm on my phone she can't see. I usually eat when my friends are here so hopefully I stay strong and turn any food that comes my way away. Lolz. Well, I'm gonna go. If I eat, I'll post later

XxxxxxxxxxxX
Wish me luck
<3

Okay so today I'm not eating. I'm not even going to lunch today. I'm just gonna sit outside and come post on here! It will keep my mind off food. You know what's funny? My friend purges but she swares she's not mia. She's crazy. She knows I purge because she goes into the bathroom with me when I need to purge but the other day she said something about it. She was kidding and it was just me and her and idk what she said but I was like well if I am then you are haha. It was weird. Anyways,
I'm fat. I'm a fat ass heffer that for some reason seems not to be able to resist food. Ugh. Dude..I'm gonna have to resist lunch the same way I did yesterday.
Okay...well..I'll try to write at lunch =]

xxxxx

Okay so today, I went out to eat and shrimp and some french fries. I got the smallest plate they had so it wasn't too bad considering that and some ravioli is all I ate today. Starting tomorrow, I'm not going to eat much at all until I get down to 190. 13 pounds..shouldn't take too long hopefully
Well, I will write later. just a quick update! 
          ~*J*~

Haha My mom was like "we should just start taking lax everytime we eat out so we won't be fat" i was like cracking up and she was like "you can't take them too often though because its not good for you. Haven't you heard about anorexic girls taking them" i just kinda put on a puzzled face and said "just because anorexic girls take them, they're bad?" haha she was like you get what im saying jordan." i was like okayy... haha it was dumb but i thought it was funny when she said that we should take lax everytime we eat out haha

Okay, so I know its no ones fault but mine that I've eaten so much this weekend but honestly, did she honestly have to cook that much!!??  She cooked chocolate pie, chicken alfredo which made me terribly sick, some chips and shrimp. Over the passed few days, thats what i've eaten. I've also eaten some chicken fries! WTF I AM SO FAT! UGH!  
Anyways, I really ate it up this weekend! I'm disgusting. My family was here and I couldn't exercise so i really felt like a fat ass lard!! UGH! 
The reason my mom cooked so much was because my cousin and my sister were here so she was just being a good hostess. It's all my fault that I ate all of that! I gotta workout like crazy! AEROBICS, CARDIO, PUSHUPS, SITUPS, LEG LIFTS, ANYTHING! 
okay so how are YOU GUYS doing??

hey guys. how are all of yall doing?